The Phantom of the DragonBall
(Just a note, this is BEFORE Trunks is born, so it's sorta a "How Vegeta and Bulma got together" fic)

Imagine, dear reader, the cast of DBZ standing on the stage of the Paris Opera House.� Piccolo grumbling, a bottle of water in hand.� Bulma and Launch in ballet costumes, Chichi in a formal black gown, and the men all in tuxedos.� Goku thinks he's looking pretty sharp, but wishes he could be wearing his Gi.� Vegeta HATES his tuxedo, but is secretly thrilled that Bulma keeps oogling at him in it.� Yaumcha and the others are goofing around with the props, while the author -yours truly- pulls at her hair.

Author:� Yaumcha, take off that MASK! YOU'RE not playing Erik.

Yaumcha:� *whines*� But-- but-- I wanna be the main character!!

Author:� You're not sadistic enough.

Goku: *snorts*

Author: that's why Vegeta's playing it.

Vegeta:� WHAT?! *insulted* SADISTIC?

Author:� Oh, SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!� *there is a small pause, broken only by Chichi's yelp:*

Chichi: Get away from me you old pervert!

Roshi: *blushes innocently*

Author: *sighs.*� Okay, now, let's read off the cast list, ok?

Everyone: *grumbling*

Author:� The Phantom (why didn't Andrew just call him "Erik"?� It would have been a lot easier to type.), that's Vegeta.

Vegeta: *smirks at Yaumcha* Of course I'm the main character, I'm the most important.

Yaumcha: *growls*

Author: Cool it you two.� Yaumcha, you can be Raoul de Chagney.

Yaumcha: *sticks out his tongue at Vegeta.* Nya Nya... I'm the handsome one.

Author: *under her breath* Don't you mean the shallow preppie?� Ahem, well then, Bulma, you're Christine, and Launch, you're her best friend, Meg.

Launch and Bulma: *exchange a glance*

Author: Chichi, you're Meg's mother, the strict ballet-corps instructor, Mme. Giry.

Chichi: *glaring sternly at the unruly Z-Gang.* Yes.� SOMEONE should control these children.

Author: *rolls eyes*Yyyyyeeeessss.... Anyway, the rest of you are cast as follows: Goku, You'll play Piangi.� Carlotta will be sung by... uh,, *looks around* Hmmm... I'm outta girls.� *borrows one of SSJTrinity's characters.* Hadassah, look's like you're it.� Sorry.

Hadassah: *shrugs* Whatever.� You make me sing, Osiris makes me sing, Trin makes me sing.� Hey, no problem.

Author: Okay, then, Bouquet is played by Roshi... you're both old.� Andre will be played by Piccolo, and Fermin by Dende.� Tien, Chauzu, Puar and Gohan, you guys'll be the chorus.

Gohan: Awweeee...

Author: Oh, okay, you can play the Persian.

Gohan:� Hey!� He's not IN the musical!

Author: I know.� But you can play him anyway.

Gohan: Grrrrr...

Author:� Okay, okay!� Places, everyone!� *shoos everyone into costume and hiding in the wings or whatever*

Vegeta: *muttering* I am a Prince!� Why should *I* be hiding under a mask and in a mirror!?

Author: BECAUSE THE LIBRETTO SAYS SO!

Vegeta.:� *shrugs* Whatever.

Author: *sighs heavily* This is going to be a lOOOOOOOOng night.� Maestro, if you please....

*Curtains rise on Tien, parading around carrying old Opera junk, and Chauzu� auctioning the stuff off*

Chauzu:�� SOLD!� Your number sir?� Thank you.� Lot 665, ladies and gentlemen: a paper-machie musical box... *looks at script* Do I REALLY have to say all of this?!� *author glares at him* Okay, okay... *skips ahead* Sold, for thirty francs to the Vicomte de Chagney.� Thank you, sir.

Yaumcha: *very old sounding... tacky-overacting-old*
�A collector's piece indeed...
every detail exactly as she said...

She often spoke of you my friend,
your velvet lining, and your figurine of lead...

Will you still play, when
all the rest of us are dead...?

Vegeta: *sniggers from the presidium arch*� Come up here and find out, human weakling!

Yaumcha: *glares upwards*

Chauzu:� AHEM! Lot 666, then. A chandelier in pieces.� Some of you may recall the strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera, a mystery never fully explained.� *revels in the melodrama* We are told, ladies and gentlemen, that this is the very chandelier that figures in the famous disaster.� Our workshops have prepared it, and re-wired the parts of it for the new electric light, so that we might get a glimpse of how it may look when re-assembled.� Perhaps we will frighten away the ghost of so many years ago with a little illumination!� Tien!� Uh, I mean, GENTLEMEN!

Tien: *raises the chandelier as the Overture pounds away*

Vegeta: *sniggers again* oooooohhh... light... I'm shaking in my combat boots.

Author: *smacks him soundly in the head with her script* Shut it!

***

+An hour or so later... it's taken that long to get this far+

Hadassah :
Think of me,
think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
*grumbles, she's a professional, why does she have to pretend to be as bad as Carlotta?*
Remember me,
every so often,
promise me you'll try.

When you find
that once again you long
to take your heart and--

*cuts of with an enraged shriek.*

Author:� ROSHI!!

Roshi: *innocently* Yes?

Author: You're supposed to drop the backdrop, not grope Carlotta!

Roshi: Heeeeee.... *smacked by Hadassah* feisty one, aren't you?

Hadassah: *eyes turn red* Don't even, old man.

Author: Keep going!

Roshi: Please, Monsieur, don't look at me; As god as my witness I was not at my post! *snickers as Yaumcha shouts from the wings, "You sure as Hell weren't!"* Please, m'sieur, there's no one there: and if there is, well, then it must be a ghost!

Lunch: *looks up* He's there, the jerk-off of the Opera...

Author:� LUNCH!

Lunch: *sneezes, becoming a brunette once more* Dear me!� Ahem, he's there, the Phantom of the Opera....!

*Tien and Krillin begin to fight over who gets to be the retiring managers*

Author:� Oh, shut up and move up to the, uh.. *flicks through script* the mirror scene.

Bulma: *a bit put out that she didn't get to do her first solo, and says so*

Author: Okay, okay... start at... "Recall those days" then.

Bulma: *proudly clears her throat, then remembers she's supposed to be timid*
Recall those days, look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do-
there will never be a day when
I don't think of you...

Yaumcha: *in the box, applauding wildly... over-enthusiastically.*
Can it be?
Can it be Christine?

Brava!� BRAVA!

What a change, you're really not at all
the gawkish girl that once you were...

Hey.� Bulma was never gawkish!
*catches flac from the author and continues*

She may not remember me, but
I remember her...

Bulma:
*smiling under her child-hood sweetie's praise*
We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea.
But, please promise me that sometime,
you will think of ..... ME!

Vegeta:
*throughly enjoying skulking around the theatre, but pauses when he hears Bulma natch the high note, mildly impressed.*� And I thought all she could do was yell.

***

Lunch:
Where in the world have you been hiding?
Really, you were perfect!
I only wish I knew your secret,
who is this new tutor?
*sneezes, suddenly blonde*
THIS IS CRAP!�
*storms out*

Author:� ohhhkayy... at least she didn't pull out the guns.� Bulma, just skip ahead.

Bulma:
Okay then.
Um... uh,

Yaumcha:
*rushes out to save the scene*
Christine Daae! Where is your scarf?

Bulma:
What?� Yaumcha, whatterya talking about?

Yaumcha:
The script!

Bulma:
Oh.

Yaumcha: *hugs Bulma, and it about to go on, but a vicious snarl comes from behind the mirror, and Yaumcha yelps and runs away*

Bulma and Author:
*sighs*

Vegeta's Voice:
Insolent boy, this half-brained weakling!
Trying to move in on my woman!
Ignorant baka!
This brave young suitor,
sharing in my ... well, he CAN'T SHARE!

Bulma:
Angel of Music... *pauses* angel?� Vegeta?� An Angel?

Author:
*glares*

Bulma:
Ahem, angel! I hear you!
Speak, I listen!
Stay by my side, guide me!

Angel my soul was weak- forgive me!
Enter at last, master!

Master?� Did I just call Vegeta "Master"? *breaks out into hysterics*

Author: Don't you people ever stay in character...?

Vegeta's Voice:
Stop laughing!
*Bulma abruptly calms, with only a few errant giggles.*

Silly girl, you shall know me.
See why in shadow I hide.
Look at your face in the mirror (as if she isn't vain enough as it is)
I am there, inside!

*Vegeta, in cape and mask, becomes visible through the mirror and momentarily both Bulma and the Author are stunned into drooling silence.� Vegeta just smiles smugly*

Bulma:
*very very happy*
Angel of Music,
Guide and Guardian!
Grant to me your Glory!

Angel of Music,
Hide no longer!
Come to me strange,
Angel...

Yaumcha:
*starts up the stairs to the dressing room set, but a snarl from Vegeta scares him away, and the Author motions to skip the dialogue.*

Vegeta:
I am your angel of Music... *Slides back the mirror and hefts Bulma over his shoulder. She yelps as the mirror slams shut, no sense of mystery or magic about it.*� Come here now!

Bulma: *Still over Vegeta's shoulder*
In-in s-sleep he sang to me.
In dreams he came... hey, watch where you put that!

Vegeta: *sniggers*

Bulma:
That voice which calls to me...
and...shouts... my name.

And do I dream again?
For now I find...
The Phantom of the Opera his there--
Inside my mind...

Vegeta: *in his surprisingly rich and resonant voice [if you don't believe me, he does!� Go here:� http://vegex.sreanime.net/multimedia/music/dbz_hit_8.shtml
Fourth one down], with the biggest smirk on his face.� Problem is, the guy's never read the script before... he doesn't know that he's not gonna get some.*

Sing once again with me,
our strange duet,
my power over you,
grows stronger yet,

*pauses for a second on the descending ramp, looks down, and jumps all the way down to the stage.� Bulma screams.*
Shut up, woman, and sing.

Bulma:
But, you haven't finished the stanza.

Vegeta: *impatient, he tosses her into the pillows and commands her to sing once again*

Bulma:
Sure, okay, whatever.

He's there, the phantom of the Opera...

Aaahh... *natches the high note again, and Vegeta immediately kisses her.*

Author: *jumping to her feet*� HEY!� NOT YET!

Vegeta: *flips the bird at the Author* I'll kiss her if I want to.

Author: *jumps on the stage and yanks him away by his collar.� They disappear off stage and there is a loud SPLASH.� Author storms back to her seat.* CONTINUE AT "NOTES"!� *Vegeta re-appears, glaring, and sopping wet, and climbs back up into the arch, grumbling and dripping all the way.*

Vegeta:
Damn you, you little prying Pandora!

Author:� I HEARD THAT!

*Piccolo strides onto the stage, looking very regal.. if green.� He likes being in the spotlight for once... even if it is for only a few stanzas.� Roshi is in the wings, disappointed he didn't get his scene with the pretty girls of the ballet corps, but satisfies his curiosity by peeking under their skirts in the wings.� There is a general shriek and Chichi's voice screams out, "Those who peek at what they can't, find too late that prudence and silence is wise!"� There is a crash and a yelp from Roshi.*

Piccolo:
*annoyed with the pause*
'Mystery after gala night,'
It says, 'Mystery of Soprano's flight'
'Mystified, baffled Surete say, 'we are mystified,
we suspect foul play.'

*folds newspaper and sighs*

Bad news on Soprano scene-
first Carlotta, now Christine!
Still, at least the seats get sold....
Gossip's worth it's weight in Gold...

What a way to run a business,
spare me these unending trials.
Half your cast disappears.
But the crowd still cheers,
'Opera'!
To Hell with Gluck and Handle
have a scandal,
and you'll pack em in the aisles!

Dende:
*stumbles in, has no sense of rhythm, and so flubs the next duet.� Piccolo, annoyed that his big moment AWAY from Goku is gone, and threatens to zap Dende with a Makkansouppo.� Then he remembers that Dende is the only deity they've got right now, so decides better.*

***

MANY MANY hours later, the author is sitting on the edge of the stage, fists tangled into her hair, but otherwise fine.� Goku stumbled through his parts, but did rather well.� Vegeta was crowing with happiness when he finally got to "Kill" Kakarotto... and there was a slight panic attack when the Prince thought he really got to do it for real.� Chichi did wonders with the skittish ballerinas, who were nervous because of the Green Namekians and power wielding weirdos wandering around.�� Hadassah was happy to get her part done and go back to her own time line.� Dende got the crap kicked out of him for flubbing more lines by Piccolo.� Tien, Krillin, Chauzu are teaching Gohan to play poker.

And Yaumcha, Vegeta, and Bulma...?

They are REALLY getting into character.� So much, it's scaring the Author.

Bulma: *Really close to Vegeta, almost kissing, her hands entwined in his lapels*
This haunted face,
�holds no horror for me now...
*touches the mask lightly*
it's in your soul,
that the true distortion lies...

Vegata:
*tears away the mask passionately*
Wait!� My dear,
I think we have a guest!

Sir!� This is indeed,
an unparalleled delight,
I had rather hoped
that you would come!
And now, my wish comes true!
You have truly made my night!

Bulma:
Yaumcha!

Yaumcha:
Free her!
Do what you like!
Only free her!
Have you no pity!

Vegeta:
She stays of her own accord, you philandering, unfaithful jerk!

Yaumcha:
*powers up* Say that to my face, short stuff!

Vegeta:
I just did you third class LOSER! *powers up himself*

Yaumcha:
I LOVE her!�
Does that mean NOTHING?
I LOVE her!
Show some compassion!

Vegeta:
The world showed no compassion to me!

Yaumcha:
That's 'cause you tried to blow us all up!!
Now, let me see her, dammit!

Vegeta:
*calms abruptly, a wicked smirk on his face.*
Be my guest, sir!
*throws back the portcullis and pins Yaumcha to the back stage wall with ki.*

Author:
Hey now!� Be careful!

Vegeta: *ignores her, too into character*
Did you think that I would harm her?
Why should I make HER pay,
for the sins which are YOURS!

Nothing can save you now,
except perhaps BULMA!

*turns to the enraptured Bulma*

Start a new life with me!
Buy his freedom with your love!
Refuse me, and you send your... ex-lover...
to his death!
THIS is the choice!
THIS is the point of NO RETURN!

Bulma:
*can't bare to follow the script*
The tears I might have shed for your dark fate... oh!
Vegeta!� You poor man!

*throws herself on him with a passionate kiss.� The Prince smirks and glares at Yaumcha triumphantly, who is trembling with sorrow.� Vegeta releases him and he falls to the stage with a THUD, then a trap door gives way, and he crashes to the mats below.*

Pitiful creature of darkness,
what kind of life have you known?
Kami grant me courage to show you,

*Dende peers on stage, then smiles and walks away*

You are not alone!

*they kiss again, then Vegeta scoops her up to into his arms and they fly out of the theatre, slicing away the fake chandelier to crash down into the gallery for real.*

Author:
*closes her script, glares around the theatre to the brawls and fighting and eating and .... she sighs*
Remind me never to do this again.

THE END

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